Sunday, January 29, 2006

Things that Life is teaching me...

One should not live for what others would say.

Money should only be spent in the following three ways. To make one's own life better, to invest and make more money and to teach others to earn a better life.

Sunday, January 08, 2006


# She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

# Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

# On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

# The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

# The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

# Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

# Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

# The patient refused autopsy.

# The patient has no previous history of suicides.

# Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

# Patient's medical history has been remarkably with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.

# Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

# Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

# Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.

# She is numb from her toes down.

# While in ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home.

# The skin was moist and dry.

# Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

# Patient was alert and unresponsive.

# Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

# She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

# I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

# Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

# Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

# The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

# The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

# Skin: somewhat pale but present.

# The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

# Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

# Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

# Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

The things that parents do haha

Some excuses received by high school attendance offices in notes from parents.

Dear school: Pleas exkuse John for being absent on January 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and 33.

Chris have an acre in his side.

Mary could not come to school because she was bother by very close veins.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

I kape Billie home because she had to Christmas shopping because I didn't no what size she wear.

John was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.

Please excuse Gloria, She been sick and under the doctor.

My son is under the doctor's care and could not take fizacal ed. Please execute him.

Lillie was absent from school yesterday as she had a gang over.

Please excuse Blanch from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday, she fell out of a tree and misplaced her hip.

Please excuse Joyce from jim today. She is administrating.

Please excuse Joey Friday, he had loose vowels.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football, he was hurt in the growing part.

My daughter wouldn't come to school Monday because she was tired. She spent the weekend with some Marines.

Please excuse Sandra from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps [cramps].

Ralph was absent yesterday because of a sour trout [sore throat].

Please excuse Wayne for being out yesterday because he had the fuel [flu].

Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault.

Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night.

Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals.

Please forgive Clarence for being absent from school the past few days. He was home sick from an operation. He had penis trouble and had to be serpent sized.

The basement of our house got flooded where the children sleep so they had to be evaporated.

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diah diahoah dyah the shits.