Sunday, January 08, 2006

ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENTS' HOSPITAL CHARTS

# She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

# Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

# On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

# The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

# The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

# Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

# Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

# The patient refused autopsy.

# The patient has no previous history of suicides.

# Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

# Patient's medical history has been remarkably with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.

# Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

# Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

# Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.

# She is numb from her toes down.

# While in ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home.

# The skin was moist and dry.

# Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

# Patient was alert and unresponsive.

# Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

# She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

# I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

# Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

# Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

# The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

# The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

# Skin: somewhat pale but present.

# The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

# Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

# Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

# Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

1 Comments:

At 4:42 AM , Blogger Cool Cancerian said...

Thank you. Had a nice evening!ROTFL reading your blog.

 

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